Resisting this school
Eva Escartín Pueyo.
Original title: Indira’s Life Story. Resisting this school.First edition in Spanish: October 2022. Author: Eva Escartín Pueyo, from the text. Collection: Stories of exclusion and the fight for inclusive education.
Text presented in the Master’s Social change and educational professionsfrom the University of Malaga, as part of the author’s Master’s Final Project, supervised by Ignacio Calderón Almendros. This book has been collaboratively built by Eva Escartín Pueyo and Indira Martínez de Ilarduya.
Both the text presented here and the rest of the report are part of the Research ProjectEmerging narratives about inclusive schools from the Social Model of Disability. Resistance, resilience, and social change (RTI2018-099218-A-I00), funded by the Ministry of Science, Innovation and Universities, directed by Ignacio Calderón Almendros and María Teresa Rascón Gómez, and developed at the University of Málaga.
Work published under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/
To those who see me, to those who look at me. To Ama.
Index
- Introduction
- Indira
- I don’t go to school. I learn with my mom
- Cutting and pasting, my learning in Primary School
- Going to exams, my only participation in the center
- Being a politician, to have power?
- Looking into the infinite. Leaving my classroom to go to the room
- Being an activist, a way to change our reality
- Playgrounds, another forced solitude
- Being a mother, a legacy of opportunities
- Theater, another act of exclusion
- The transition to Secondary School, a step towards what?
- Back to school?
- Those who look, those who see
- My fight, their fight, our fight
- Being a teacher, creating my inclusive school
- Feeling: The emotions that move me
- Temporary table of the story
- About the author
Introduction
By Eva Escartín Pueyo.
You can dare to read this story as its protagonist has told it: you can try to connect with her way of reflecting, of weaving, of understanding and comprehending her story, of jumping from the present to the distant past, of reaching the future in a leap to reconnect again with any memory close to the now. You can wander through her experiences as she tells and feels them now, or you can consult the final table, in which you will find an adaptation that will provide you with the chronological order of this life story. We begin as you wish, or can, begin. My recommendation is that you let yourself be carried away by these lines and allow yourself to get to know Indira as she presents herself here.
Indira is a 15-year-old young woman who, like many young people in our region, has spent practically her entire life connected to the education system. She comes to these pages to tell us what this journey, full of obstacles and support, has meant to her, but I prefer not to get ahead of myself and let her tell you herself.
Indira
And I am here, telling all this, so that people know what has been done well, but also what has been done poorly. I will surely talk a lot about the bad things, but it’s not really like that; talking about the bad things is also necessary. My name is Indira. I want to be a politician, an activist, a singer, also a meteorologist to control the temperatures and everything. A chemist, to do experiments. I also want to be a teacher, an inclusive school teacher, that’s for sure. I want to be a cook and I want to be a classical ballet student, and if necessary, I will also be the teacher. Furthermore, I want to be a teacher for young children.
And I’m going to be a writer, but of women. Yes, of important women who changed the world. I would also love to be featured, in a book about women written by my mother or by me. I’m going to have a lot of work, because I’ll also have 4 daughters, but you know what? I don’t care about the challenges.
A person who has light and projects it. Indira is a person who has a lot of light and projects that light. She is capable of realizing the injustices she is experiencing, she feels them, she suffers them, but from there she tries to build […], and she wants to grow, she wants to grow as a person, she wants to grow as a citizen, she wants to grow as a social agent of transformation, and she wants to contribute from what she has. (Aurora, family friend)*
I don’t go to school, I learn with mom
(Present)
I like to learn, but where I have learned the most is at home with my mother. And I know that here I don’t have people to relate to, but here at least I am free.
There were two drops that made the cup overflow, the cup that led to Indira being at home learning with her mother today and not at school. The first, after being left alone in the playground in the rain, she got sick, which prevented her from attending school. After her recovery months later and the attempt to return to the classroom came the second drop, this one by chance, according to Indira, the pandemic. Since then, mainly due to her risk situation, she has been studying from home with her mother.
I said to COVID, to the pandemic: thank you. Thank you for not making me go there. And I’ve been like this ever since, learning at home. Well, actually, I’ve been learning at home with my mom since I was little, even when I went to school, I did English really well with her. Besides, with adapted material, she would draw pictures of a radio, an oven, and write them in English with a marker, that was fun. I also remember learning about bones and muscles with a red doll, his name was Mister Musculitos. I said thank you to COVID, because since then, or a little before, I’ve been learning at home with my mom. Also, around that time, I met the Students for Inclusion group.
Right now, I connect with the school for remote classes, I have a schedule, I do, for example, geography and history, English, language, music… I must say that these connections are just with me, meaning it’s just me and the teacher.
Also, I still go to school for exams, which I prepare with my mom. With her, we use rubrics to see where I stand, we have a rubric for each subject, we set goals, and I track my progress. When I don’t have exams, we work on other things. That is, things we are interested in learning, not exam material. Before, I used to wake up at 7 AM, now at 8 AM, because it was too early, and I study until around 11 AM, unless I have exams, then I might be working until almost 9 PM.
I like to learn about everything, everything interests me, I like to learn, but yes, at home, that’s where I learn best, with my mother. There I didn’t learn anything, nothing at all. Without a doubt, at home is where I have learned the most in my whole life, it has been with my mother. And I say it from the heart to her. It’s clear where I learn, here. I know I don’t have people to relate to here, but at least I’m free here. With her, studying, learning.
She thinks that if it’s not one way, it’s another. If I explain something to her one way and she sees that I don’t understand, she explains it another way. For example, through videos, like Antonio, my teacher, also did.
Look for solutions I listen to her and observe her. For example, in technology, she had to draw some views the other day, and I observe her and see where her difficulty lies. Giving her a skewer to see where she had to draw, and she isn’t seeing it, and you know she has to see it somehow. So, it’s about finding another way. The argument for saying she couldn’t do it is that she doesn’t have spatial vision. Okay, she doesn’t, agreed. But let’s find a solution, right? Because this is what they’re going to demand of her, so you’ll have to find a way for her to understand it.(Noemí, Indira’s mother)
An example of how I learn with my mom is that I passed both subjects from last year, biology and another one, and both are the ones I did with her, the ones I prepared and worked on with her.
Knowing how she learns. The progress she has made at the curricular level since she has been at home has been… well, we have had more hours and… And it’s just that I know how Indira learns. And that as soon as she approaches the system, she stops learning.(Noemí, Indira’s mother)
Cut and paste, my learning in Primary School
(Past)
The school is not made for me. I was alone, I felt very alone. They didn’t see me as a person. I mean, they only saw my disability (…) The problem isn’t mine, but I felt like I had to get rid of my disability
Indira starts primary school in 2013 and finishes it in 2019 without any significant curricular adaptations[1], nor any year of repetition. We could say that in this stage, you find everything: teachers who don’t think she is their student, professionals who don’t explain things to her, specialists who think they are doing what’s best for her, many who don’t listen, don’t observe, don’t pay attention, and don’t understand or don’t want to understand. But what she comes to show us from these times is what she felt, and based on that, she structures her memories and reflections.
There, they only explained things to the others, even though I was in the same class as everyone else. They didn’t explain to me; they had me cut and paste papers separately. Yes, 4 just that. I mean, not even making a little square, always at the very back with the PT or the Assistant. They didn’t teach me either, I think, because, let’s see, cutting and pasting papers, that’s not learning.
Until one day I said, ‘enough is enough,’ I didn’t say it, but I thought it. I stayed still, looking at the paper, angry, very angry. They told me, ‘Come on Indira, cut paper, man… Indira, come on!’ And I kept my arms crossed, looking at my sheet and thinking, ‘No! I’m not going to keep cutting and pasting papers! Because I don’t want to, I don’t like it! Okay? I want to learn, with everyone else, I have the right to learn.’ I got so angry… I didn’t understand why I had to do this, why I had to cut and paste papers instead of paying attention to the teacher. I asked myself: ‘How can they do this to me?’ But I only thought all this; I didn’t say it. I didn’t say it because I didn’t dare, I didn’t dare with them.
I didn’t dare to, and besides, it would be complicated for them to understand, they never understand me, they never listen to me, not even when I try. So, what for? What for if they won’t value me as a person? I think they would never respect my opinion, because I know they think differently from me.
I really think they don’t want to, they don’t want to, because if they did, they surely would already: teach me, talk to me, listen to me… They have it easy because they are the ones with power, and when they encounter someone who isn’t normal, what they do is not teach them; they only teach normal people. Am I normal? Well, no. So I didn’t fit in there. I cut and pasted.
That’s it, as her mother. And one day, I don’t know what the tutor said to her, he said: “To me, you are all the same.” And she told him no, she said: “No, we are not all the same, we are all different.” So, imagine, and then the tutor said: “That’s it, just like your mother.”(Noemí, Indira’s mother)
They think that all people have to be normal, for them that is “normal.” For example, that we all sit the same way. Maybe there are children who sit cross-legged like me, with their legs crossed on the chair. There are girls and boys who do it with their legs dangling, others who sit with their legs wide apart, some touch the ground and others don’t… By this, I mean that the people there have to be normal, the same, when people are not really normal, but different. People are not normal, that’s clearer than water. Society says this about normal, and what are they going to do if they are part of the system and society? It’s clear that they have all come together to share the word normal, I’m sure of that.
I am here. There was a day when Indira was going on a field trip, but she didn’t have a partner… She was going alone and I said: “It can’t be, that’s impossible, that can’t be.” I saw how she got on the bus and they were pushing her out of every seat, because she has tried and done everything. Indira has done everything, even played the fool to make them laugh, to get their attention, to say I am here. (Noemí, Indira’s mother)
And why am I not normal? Well, I don’t know why, I don’t understand it either, honestly. Society would have to explain it to me first. But I understand that when another boy or girl is taught, it’s because they are normal, and since they hardly teach me, then I’m not normal. School isn’t made for me, that’s for sure. School is made to make people normal or for those who are already normal, but certainly not for me.
I don’t fit in there, and I don’t know why they think I’m not normal, but I’ve thought many times and I’m clear that what gave me problems was Down syndrome. I think that’s why they didn’t pay attention to me there, they weren’t with me… I was alone, I felt very alone. I was doing badly. All this because they didn’t see me as a person. I mean, they only saw my disability.
Really, many times I’ve thought that’s the only thing they see in me. And that hurts, I felt it in my chest, it hurt. It’s like being stabbed in the chest, it’s exactly the same. The truth is, it’s very sad, it makes you want to cry, although I’ve already overcome it. What’s past is past, but I think they have to see me as just another person, with a disability, but a good person. Because I think I’m good.
With my disability, I used to do this, I tried not to show it in my eyes, I did it so that my disability wouldn’t be noticed there. I had to do that, because that’s how I felt… The problem isn’t mine, but I felt like I had to get rid of my disability. I know that I’m not lacking anything, nor do I have anything extra, but they are the ones who are lacking. The only thing I believe is that they need to gain heart to respect things, you have to win the heart and trust of other people, of other people who help us and who must also be respected. And I say this because appreciation means much more than contempt. Appreciation is something that is felt in the heart, it’s feeling loved by another person, and contempt would be a sad thing, many things are despised that shouldn’t be.
I don’t know, I would tell the people there, the people at the school, many things, but the main thing I would tell them is that I am who I am and they can’t change me.
She doesn’t have the problem: the barriers.What I will never accept is that they say the problem is Indira’s. Indira has difficulties, she finds things harder and does them differently, but it is the school’s responsibility to overcome those barriers. And I explain it to her, and I tell her, and she is aware of this, because do you know what happens? That otherwise, she thinks the problem is hers, and the problem is not hers.(Noemí, Indira’s mother)
Going to exams, my only participation in the center
(Present)
Exams are obstacles and only serve to pass, which is not the same as learning. I don’t care if they fail me now, I know those grades aren’t mine, they’re theirs..
Exams are the reason why Indira, in the present, has to go to the educational center. Right now she is still in home schooling, but she has to take exams, as she says, “there.”
Exams… I’m already exhausted, I’m telling you the truth, I wish they would end already, I’m fed up and the worst part is, what are they for? I mean, seriously, they’re useless, they’re just for living in a fantasy world. They’re only for passing, because passing… isn’t learning. I don’t care anymore if they want to fail me, I’m totally over those grades, because are those grades mine? No, they’re theirs, that’s clear.
Exams are obstacles, because that’s how children get overwhelmed. For example, for me, when I go to take an exam, I already have the lesson studied, but when I go, I forget it. I forget it. So, I don’t know, another way should be found, show videos, or something! Do it differently, follow Antonio’s example. Of course, I know you’re not like him, but you are professionals. I don’t know how they see it, the professionals, but honestly, I’m about to call a meeting and tell them that it’s useless, that it’s only for evaluation and to confuse us.
The right to education. I always told them: “You are telling me how you are going to grade him, but I still don’t know how you plan to teach him.” Because of course, if this consists of me teaching him and he takes the exam there… The right to education is not about children going to school and taking exams, it’s something else. It’s something else and we’re still in the same place.(Noemí, Indira’s mother)
To be a politician, to have power?
(Future)
The first thing I would do if I were president would be to take power away from the world so that no one could seize it and use it to hinder others..
Believe in her and her future, think about it and interpret it, imagine herself there right now, being a politician, preparing her electoral campaign, her electoral program. Being a politician for Indira is the future, but it is also the present; in this section, we will be able to see how she is already preparing for it, how she is already doing and being a politician with everything she presents here.
One of the more than 6 things I want to be is a politician. I’ve thought that if I were president of a country, the first thing I would do is insist. Insist on people who are not inclusive at all, insist on them to do it right. Especially professionals. Although I’m clear that I would first meet with the people who are on my side, to see what they think and then with the rest, with the professionals. Also, I would hold a meeting with all the politicians to get them to work. The truth is that I have thought a lot about all this, I even have an electoral campaign prepared with what I would say and the important points that cannot be missing. It starts with a bit of information, and then has an index with each important point. It would be like this:
Information
They are people entitled to education. It’s important because of what I went through, the only thing is being apart from others.
Index
1. Information and the right.
2. Suffering
3. Hits
4. Persons with disabilities
5. People with problems
6. To be respected
7. To be heard
The description of the world in which one lives.
1. The right to education and learning is important and must be respected according to the UN.
2. One does not have to suffer, but one does suffer, and that is what happens to people with disabilities.
3. Teachers are the ones who have power and give blows to families so they worry, and there’s no need to worry, we fight.
4. Persons with disabilities have nothing in common with other children without disabilities, quite the opposite. Persons with disabilities: are those who suffer double discrimination. Persons without disabilities: are those who do not suffer discrimination.
5. Persons with disabilities have many problems in life. People without disabilities don’t have problems in schools. (What I meant there is that disability is only a problem in life, because people who, for example, have cerebral palsy, Down syndrome, things like that… are the ones who suffer in life. They are the ones who have problems in school. And the people without disabilities I referred to there don’t have problems in school. Why? Because people who don’t have disabilities do fit in there.
6. Everyone has to be respected, not only by parents, but also by professionals.
7. All people must be heard. And they also have to be heard and valued by professionals and not just by parents, by professionals too.
This would be important to me if I were a politician or president of the country. But actually, if I think about it carefully, I don’t know if I would like to be president because I don’t want power, because what is power good for? Power attracts many things, it is from there that obstacles are placed in people’s way. Power is used to discriminate, to not value anyone, so that no one is understanding, that no one is respected. It only serves to gain things you want to achieve, it attracts everything. That’s why maybe the first thing I would do if I were president would be to remove power from the world so that no one takes it.
Looking into the infinite. Leaving my classroom to go to the special education classroom
(Past)
I spent a few years going to the special education classroom, and what I remember about those years is being sad, I felt bad, I felt sad because I didn’t learn there either, I didn’t do anything.
Leaving her class, her reference group, separating from her classmates, ceasing to share space and time, with all that this entails. When Indira started primary school in 2013, she began to leave her classroom to go to the special education classroom during math and language classes. And I say during, because she didn’t leave to do those subjects herself, but rather not to be there while the others were doing them.
I think I remember that a few years ago I had been in a classroom, in another classroom, I think it was for math. Anyway, I’ve been in a classroom… a special classroom. There were a lot of noises and a lot of children, a lot of children who made a lot of noise.
What I remember from those years is being sad, I felt bad, I felt sad because I didn’t learn there either, I didn’t do anything, absolutely nothing, they didn’t teach me. Anyway, the others didn’t either, well some children did something, but I certainly didn’t.
I used to go just to look, look at others, look at the wall, look at the infinite. I would sit there and stare into the infinite over and over again, again… It was such a drag for me. And besides, I wasn’t learning anything there.
I didn’t know how to object. Indira would go to the special education classroom for the first few years for language and math, and I didn’t see her as happy or making any progress. She kept falling further behind the group, both in terms of content and in her relationships with her peers. And she did that for two sessions a day. I already signed as not in agreement* with the proposals made by the center, but I also didn’t object because that was the way things worked, and I didn’t really know how else to do it. (Noemí, Indira’s mother)
These outings from her classroom occurred in the early primary grades, as from 3rd grade onwards her mother refused them, and Indira shared all her hours with her classmates in her own classroom again.
Being an activist, a way to change our reality
(Past, present, and future)
I give you this speech because I want you to listen to me and look at me completely. Look at us closely, from head to toe, and see how capable we are.
Indira has been, is, and will be an activist. For years, she has fought in various ways to defend her rights and those of others, doing so from school, from home, with the Students for Inclusion group, and above all, with her mother. She is an activist in her daily life, through her reflections, her critical thinking, and her stances, which arise at any time, in any moment, and about whatever she is experiencing and hearing. Indira is and will be an activist; that is how she sees, lives, and understands activism.
I want to be an activist. Well, I already am, I am an activist. It started some time ago, when I began to meet with Nico from the university and with the group of 5 students for inclusion, and we formed a group, that’s when my activism began. Although I started much earlier recording videos with my mother while I was learning, so it wasn’t because of the student group. Activism for me is something important because it’s fighting for something, for the rights of people with disabilities, it’s fighting against others for no reason. And what has activism been useful for? Well, for learning, for learning a little more, for knowing how everything works… school, society, the world.
She reflects.Indira is very aware of reality, because she has been explained […]. She has to be aware of what her rights are, of when they are violated, but she has internalized it, meaning, she doesn’t speak for me, she reflects.(Noemí, Indira’s mother)
Rights are important, and many rights for persons with disabilities have not been achieved. For example, the right to education, this is essential.
Having the right to education means that people have a good education, a dignified education there, it means that I have the right to learn.
We must treat rights with respect, because rights are pure gold and should be treated as one of the essential things in life. Apart from the right to education, there is also the right to do what we want, the right to fight for what we want to be, the right to what we want to be not so unfair, the right to choose. In short, people have rights and they are important.
My activism has to do with going after unjust people, first I would do it by trying to describe myself. Then I would try to defend myself as I see fit. But above all, I would make myself respected without having to change anything myself because the main thing is that they change, that’s what I see as logical.
One of the things I would do is have a meeting with everyone there, at school, I am very angry with them. In fact, I will, I will request a meeting with them because I want to talk about that problem, about what being there has caused me. I would tell them what I feel and that I know that a very important right, which is education, is being denied to me. I would tell them the following:
Look, you are professionals, right? So teach. So teach, otherwise why are you professionals? For nothing? I mean, seriously, if you are teachers and you are in a school, you are running a school, then you should teach. I don’t know what you think about that. But I’m telling you seriously, if you don’t do something to change that… It’s something super important, teaching has to be done at school and not at home. And, above all, also respect, I mean respect me and respect others, because if not… why are you professionals? To teach, educate, right? If you don’t know, it’s okay, I can teach you, I have many techniques. But look, I don’t think it’s that exaggerated either, you do your job and I’ll help you if needed. But yes, you have to have one thing clear, which is important, and that is that what I tell you cannot go in one ear and out the other. No. You have to engrave it in your head: “we are professionals, we have to educate and teach”.
Besides, I have an inspiring speech planned, a speech I would give in those countries that want to hear me, a speech about the important things we see in our lives.
Indira’s Speech
This speech is for all of you, so that you know what is happening in the world. What happens is that we are attacked, that we are subjected to the power of those who abuse, that we are subjected. I give you this speech because I want you to listen to me and look at me completely. Look at us carefully, look at us from head to toe and see how capable we are. I think that’s the most important thing, that we are heard, that we can speak, for this it is important that we can have control over ourselves, to be able to say what happens to us.
And I am very sorry for you, but I want you to know the things that happen daily, look at the world and you will see a place that is totally unfair because we are attacked from all sides, because we are subjected to an authority that is not just. To an authority that subjects us. Look at the world, look at how it is set up and you will discover the truth of what happens in daily life.
Look at yourselves, look at the whole world, at society, a society that is in the world. Society is not separate, it is a group of people saying “well, society has said this…” But know that we are not going to do it because I really believe in the opposite, I believe that if each person sits in a different way, they have the right to do so.
Ask yourselves and your will, because we have weapons pointed at us, stabbing us, who are subjected to the authority of people with power. And I believe we should look at what happens to those people, the ones who put up barriers for us, the ones who unjustly subjugate us. All of this happens in such a big and immense world, and know that there is something super tiny, that exists, but cannot be seen.
It is that society I was telling you about that prevents people from doing what they want with their lives. People are united in that society, while others are in society but are separate. To make myself understood, there is a pyramid, the 2022 pyramid in which we all are, us and the people with power. Those who have power are the privileged, the people who tell others what can and cannot be done, they are the ones at the very top of the pyramid. They are the ones who see the unjust world differently; they see it as just because they benefit, while those of us who do not benefit see prejudice.
Then there are those in the middle, those between power and us. Those in the middle are the ones who should be with us, by our side, thinking and saying: “What is this, what is happening here, we should fix this?”. What cannot be is that in such a big, cultured, and hidden world, when I say hidden, I mean that the world can be seen, but nothing is done.
And we are told that we have to accept things, even if they are unfair. Do we accept them? Well, no, we try to change them. We tell them no, that we should do something, that I cannot agree with what is being done.
We must tell the Basque Country no, that we must do something, that I cannot agree with all of this. We must tell it to look at its laws and that these say that people should be allowed to do what they want with their lives. We must remind the Basque Country government to look carefully so that the UN does not have to accuse them further for violating our rights. We must tell them to fix this, that it is upside down. To put it in order, not to make it normal because there is nothing normal, but for it to be fair for everyone.
And for it to be fair, the most essential thing is to fight for a feminist world where people with disabilities are cared for and considered, because the most important thing is that people are treated as people with rights.
Thank you very much, my friends, because I had to express all that happens in the world every day.
Growing up and empowering herself. I have seen Indira grow during this time, both in her discourse and in her critical reflection on what was happening. And telling her experience, I think, has largely made Indira grow a lot, that is, she has evolved and empowered herself, and it has made her aware of the injustice she is experiencing. (Aurora, family friend)
The playgrounds, another forced solitude
(Past)
In the playgrounds I was alone, the boys and girls would go to the other end or run away..
The playgrounds, that space that holds so much importance for the memories of any child, of any person, those spaces that it seems we forget as adults, professionals. Her mother points out the number of adults, of professional resources available in the playground and what they meant for Indira: a barrier. Playgrounds have rarely been an opportunity to share with others. Indira tells it, and above all, feels it.
In the playgrounds I was alone. They, the boys and girls in my class, weren’t with me, they would go to the other end. At most, I was with Ane, a girl with Down Syndrome from the school.
In the playground, I met Maialen. She’s a girl older than me who sometimes came to see me, although many other times they wouldn’t let me go to where she was. I was in the pit, they wouldn’t let me leave there, and she would come to see me, but I couldn’t go over and be with her.
The rules of the playground.It cannot be normalized that any boy or girl from her class is in the playground with her any day of the school year. One day they sent me a very harsh message saying that she had gone to look for Maialen and that they had had to talk to her and explain the rules of the playground. And I told them, but what are the rules of the playground? That she can’t go look for the only person who pays attention to her? Are those the rules of the playground? I don’t want the aide with her for that. You’ll have to give her another alternative, you’ll have to intervene.(Noemí, Indira’s mother)
I remember one time when the boys and girls in my class were at the other end, well, if I was in one place, they were in another. One day Maialen and some other girls accompanied me to see what the boys and girls in my class were playing, and they tricked me, they told me they weren’t playing anything and ran off. They ran off.
I don’t know where the teachers were, I don’t know, but I feel like they were only there to scold me when I went to look for Maialen.
Being a mother, a legacy of opportunities
(Present and future)
I am clear that I want to be a mother, but the obstacles are already beginning. I would love for my daughters to have a dignified life, to be well, to fit in, but without being normal.
I am clear that I want to be a mother. I now have a little sister who is two years old. We are 13 years apart, and I do everything for her: I bathe her, I give her a bottle, I teach her English, Basque… I take care of her and I love doing it.
I want to be a mother, but I want to be the mother of four daughters, rather. But in reality, you never know what will happen. You don’t know, but they’ve already started putting obstacles in my way with this too… However, I am clear about what I would like to do as a mother.
Live your own life. I cannot tell Indira that you don’t have that right: the right to education, yes, but not this one. Why not? […] Let’s let them live their lives. What I want is for her to choose her life, not for the system to choose it for her, for the system not to be the one to say you can’t go this way.(Noemí, Indira’s mother)
I would love for my daughters to have a dignified life, to be well, to fit in, but without being normal. And if this were the case, I have a lot of ideas, but one that I think about is that if it were necessary, I would enroll my four daughters there, in my school, to see what happens. To see how they do it, to know if it has helped them learn what happened to me.
Having reached this point, if they were here, I have thought of a plan. The first thing I would do is call all the people in the entire world of Bilbo who are on my side, who will come with me there. And I would tell them with great pleasure that for hindering me, they will learn what limits are, they will see who I am, and they will learn with me. For some reason, they resemble their mother, me, because they will resemble me, of course. And if my life has been like this, theirs will be too. Because what I also want is to give them my life, because they deserve it.
For all of this, I am clear that it is important that when they are around my age, they get together with Nico and people from the university to be able to talk about this problem, so that they start fighting for them and for their rights, including if they want to be mothers, of course, that their rights are not denied.
What I want is for them to learn to fight, I want to do for them what my mother has done for me. I already have my life, my mother also has her own life, so I want that for them, I will give that to my daughters, a life.
Theater, another act of exclusion
(Past)
I love doing theater, but I like doing it at home, not there at school in the extracurricular activity. I wasn’t comfortable there either, it was the same as in class.
Theater may take up little space in this story, but that is not the case in Indira’s life. For her, doing theater is interpreting her future anywhere; in the street, at home, with her friends. It is imagining her role as a mother, a politician, an activist, a cook, and making it more real through theater. Doing theater for Indira is not just that after-school activity that was so hard for her to get into in primary school; it is part of her daily life.
I like theater, I like it a lot, but especially at home. I do a lot of theater here. I play Chechens, I even do theater about the war, about them and about others who are in countries that are at war. Besides the war, I also play other roles like being a mother, what it would be like to be a mother, or other professions I want to be. I even do all of this on the street.
I like theater, but here, less so there because I never did theater in the after-school program at school. I wasn’t comfortable there either, I didn’t do theater, the same thing happened to me as in class and I would hide, I would go to hide. But I continue and I still do theater, although now only at home, because I love theater.
Indira asked to join the extracurricular activity offered by the school in primary. In the first year, her parents were told not to enroll her for her own good. In the second year, they enrolled her, and when they called to inquire about how she was doing in the activity, they were informed that she had not been attending and had been left in the dining hall since the second session. In the third year, the mother met with the counselor to inform him that they would no longer tolerate this discrimination. And so, the extracurricular activity began again, with the voluntary support of one of her educational assistants. After some time, the mother again faced pressure, the argument being that she needed more support, and thus began the fight for the support that they finally obtained. Throughout this entire process, Indira wanted to continue doing theater; she was clear about it, so her mother did not hesitate to fight for it alongside her.
The transition to Secondary School, a step towards what?
(Past)
The struggle in Secondary school was worse: I repeated first year, I don’t know my current classmates, and I spent a lot of time at home learning. I feel like everyone else is included, but I’m not..
Secondary school, that stage that pushes away and pushes away, that stage that expects Indira not to be there. From there, everything she will tell you herself in this section. Secondary school began for Indira with complications: the family had proposed repeating 6th grade, a proposal that was ultimately not carried out because the way to do it would have meant not respecting Indira’s efforts and progress. From that moment on, the educational center, which remains the same in secondary school, admitted Indira into its “mainstream” classroom. She was admitted due to, as her mother says, “my stubbornness” and not because of Indira’s right. And this is the starting point: a school, a teaching staff, and specialist professionals who do not believe that Indira should be in their class.
Secondary school… Oh, secondary school… The struggle in secondary school was worse, in secondary school I repeated first year, I don’t know my current classmates, and I spent a lot of time at home learning. I feel like everyone else is included, but I’m not.
Removing from the classroom.The school’s policy is to increasingly remove students from the classroom. And this is increasing in Secondary School.(Aurora, family friend)
Now yes, I remember a day that stuck with me. When I went back there, after being sick to take an exam, I remember I got to class and they had put my desk in the back and I looked at them. “But what is this doing here?”. But what is my desk doing there, in the back?. And they told me “oh… oh… oh… It’s just that you weren’t here” and I said “What? Seriously?”. That it wasn’t for that reason they were trying to put it in the back. And I got angry, I got pretty angry, I got pissed off, but not totally, because I have to be nice to them, but not *that* nice.
Another thing they’ve done to me, for example, when I was there: an hour connected to do things for 5th and 6th grade… But anyway, I’m older now, I’m 15, almost 16, they should give me adult things. It’s true that with mom we look for other things, but they should do it because they are the professionals. They also have to take care of it if they are education professionals. They should say: “Let’s do this that is inclusive,” I think, come on.
Clash with Secondary School. A big clash with Secondary School, Indira didn’t want to go into class because she didn’t feel well, because she didn’t feel accompanied or welcomed. She felt excluded within the classroom, not taken into account.(Aurora, family friend)
It’s very hard to receive messages every day: today she didn’t want to take out her notebook, today she arrived late to class, today… Indira spent hours in the hallway. On top of that, she gave me a lot of the information herself.(Noemí, Indira’s mother)
Go back to school?
(Present)
I don’t want to go back to school because I’m afraid of being alone again. And I know that going to another center isn’t the solution because it could happen to me there too, I know..
Back to school, back to in-person classes, back to sharing space and time with others, again. But does this guarantee that Indira will share everything else with her peers? She doesn’t think so, her mother also doubts it, Aurora knows that just being there isn’t enough. So, the question is whether it’s really an option for Indira to go back to school. She doesn’t think so…
As I’ve already told you, I’ve been learning at home for a few years now. My mother is trying to get me to try going to school. Even if it’s not there, not that one, but another one. And I tell her no, clearly no. She asks me why, and I tell her it’s because I’m afraid of being alone again.
Normalize exclusion.I took Indira to school and my soul sank every day… Indira would reach the line and the circles would close. I don’t hold the kids responsible, but there’s an adult there watching what’s happening. But exclusion was normalized.(Noemí, Indira’s mother)
I remember one day I went there to take a music exam, and my father came to pick me up. He was talking to a teacher who told him that instead of doing the Basque connection, I should stay there and the teacher could explain it to me. And I thought, ‘Please, don’t tell him that, no, I don’t want to come here.’ Then I argued with my dad about it, because I told him, ‘Look, Dad, please, how can I go there?’ I told him no, obviously, I told him I never want to go there again.
My mother tells me now that we can try another one, but no, I just don’t want to. I ask her not to insist because I don’t want to. I know that the same thing could happen to me in another one, it’s true that if I don’t try, I won’t know, but between starting and finding out if I’ll be okay there, January comes and I turn 16. And how are they going to try to make me okay there? No, no, because until January is many months away.
Besides, I’ve met the students, the Students for Inclusion group, and I know that what happened to me also happens in other schools, which means the problem is bigger. That’s why I say, why should I try if I think it’s going to be the same? Until you discover it, and you see that it’s not working as it should, it’s… I really think the solution isn’t to go to another school; I think this is solved at home because that’s where I’m respected. Where I’ve been most respected, where I’ve fit in and learned the most. Because I didn’t fit in at school, of course.
The academic and the social.The truth is I have a thorn in my side because it makes me very sad that she no longer has the opportunity to be well in a school. I’m already forgetting about whether she progresses academically or not, about her having the opportunity to be with a group of her peers. Then I think about it and I don’t know if going to the center guarantees the social aspect.
Those who look, those who see
(Past and present)
I thank all these people: Ama, Antonio, Marc, Alba, Maialen, etc. for having looked at and listened to me.
At the beginning of this story, we talked about the journey that being linked to the educational system had been for Indira. We talked about the stones and potholes, but also about the support. This is the section where Indira shares with us those people who do see her, who look at her, who understand her, the people who listen to her voice and who believe in her; these are the ones who see beyond and allow themselves to get to know her: her support network.
Antonio, he was my teacher, although I don’t remember exactly when. He taught me history, and he was a good teacher, I’m very fond of him. He did assignments the way I like them, in his classes we worked in groups, I was with the others learning and also getting to know them. That’s what working in groups does, it allows you to meet people, and also talk about things with my classmates.
He explained to everyone, including me, meaning he explained to me just like he did to the others, and the good thing was that we all understood. He wasn’t like the other teachers, with him I learned, he showed us videos like my mom does, he found ways to teach. With him I felt good. While with the other teachers I was sad, unwell, with Antonio it wasn’t like that, I didn’t feel sad.
I think he saw that the teachers only explained to the others. And then he said, he didn’t say it, but he thought: come on, I’m standing up for myself, I’m with everyone. Because he knows that it has to be done this way, like he did it, and not like the others. I think the others know it too, but they don’t want to. If they wanted to, they would surely do it.
We could say that Antonio wasn’t normal. He wasn’t normal because he didn’t do things like everyone else; he saw that I had the right to learn, and he dedicated himself, along with my mom, to teaching me, to giving me what I need for life.
Another one who wasn’t normal was Marc, another teacher I had who is no longer with us. He also explained things to me, did assignments, and showed videos like Antonio and my mom. He wasn’t normal either.
There are other important people besides Antonio, Marc, or my mom; there’s also Alba, my preschool teacher. I don’t remember much about her, but I remember her fondly. I know I was fine with her. Another important person is Maialen; she’s my friend, and I think we’ll be friends for life. I met Maialen at school. She’s older than me and was one of the ones who approached me. I would sometimes go look for her in her class or in the playground. She accompanied me in some things, like what I mentioned before about the playground. We’re still in touch; sometimes we go for walks, have a drink, play. I don’t know.
The Students for Inclusion group has also been very important to me. For me, they are already friends, friends spread across different parts of Europe. I have talked with them about school, but also about many other things. With them I have felt good, happy, I have shared experiences, adventures…
Talking and listening. What Noemí also has is that she talks a lot with her and listens to her, and takes into account what she says, which doesn’t happen in other families. So that also makes them see together a little bit where to go. (Aurora, family friend)
I don’t know, I’m grateful to these people for having looked at me and listened to me, to my mom above all, she is very important to me and also to Antonio. I thank him for not having been normal.
A sensor. These people have meant a lot to Indira; in fact, she keeps them very present. They were a lifeline for her, and they also allowed her to make her own way. The truth is that the support she has received and the people she has had, although not many, have been of tremendous quality. And it’s true that Indira has a sense, she knows how people approach her.(Noemí, Indira’s mother)
My fight, her fight, our fight
(Past, present, and future)
I fight too, I do it to defend my life, a life without obstacles, I fight so that they value me for who I really am. And I fight for myself, but also so that I can later defend my sister and my daughters..
Noemí, Indira’s mother, is a fundamental person in Indira’s fight. It is difficult to understand this without knowing the relationship they have, the way they look at and understand each other, their way of respecting, listening to, supporting, and admiring each other. Those of you who read this story will think: “Of course, her mother is important to her and her fight, that’s why Indira mentions her so much.” But you don’t know how important Indira is to her mother, how mutual everything they do is, without forgetting that each of them is an individual. Seeing them reflect and fight together is, to say the least, hopeful. Enjoy reading about their fight together, because although it may be hard, as Indira’s mother says: resistance is.
My mother was the one who fought, my mother is the one who fights. Well, me too, because I learned from her, just as my daughters will learn from me. She says she doesn’t fight, but I say she does fight. She is fighting with her heart and her mind. Because in reality, she does fight for the things she sees every day. In fact, I think she’s the one who has fought the most, a lot.
To disagreeIndira, without realizing it, has fought much more than she thinks. What happens is that her fight has been labeled as disruptive behavior. Indira is not disruptive. Indira doesn’t do that to bother the person next to her; Indira is standing her ground and saying no. This is not what I have to do here.(Noemí, Indira’s mother)
I fight too, I do it to defend my life, because enough is enough, I can’t always live with obstacles. Obstacles are those barriers that society and professionals put up for people, for people with disabilities all over the world.
Some of those barriers are the nicknames given to people with disabilities, nicknames that say something that isn’t mine. Or, for example, the right to be heard, the right to be valued for who I really am, that is, to be described, but without obstacles. To be described, but without taking anything away from me.
Then, for example, education would have to take place at school and not at home; there are many obstacles, and the truth is I am fed up. Why should I follow their instructions if they don’t respect or listen to me? They will have to respect and listen to me, because it is impossible to live my daily life like this, always facing obstacles.
ResistanceAnd in that struggle, the person at the school is often the shield, and that’s not how it should be. Many of Indira’s behaviors: ‘Today she did this, today she did that…’ I would say, ‘Don’t you realize she’s resisting?’ (Noemí, Indira’s mother)
Indira’s resistance is face-to-face, body-to-body with teachers.(Aurora, family friend)
I try to fight defending myself, but also so that I can later defend my sister or my daughters. If a mother fights, you have to take her as an example, you logically have to do first what mothers do. That’s why I say that my mother and I are fighters. It’s true that sometimes it’s hard for me to explain how I fight, and I think that she, my mother, fights much more. But in the end, the fight we have, especially in secondary school, is the same fight, the fight of both of us is the same.
Disruptive behaviorsI believe that from that perspective, both are fighting and each one, in addition, together. Because I think the good thing they both have is that they have a lot of admiration for each other, a lot of respect, a lot of affection, and that there is a lot of communication between them. So it’s a fight that is waged in two different spheres, on two different fronts, but it is one, and that is important.(Aurora, family friend)
To be a teacher, to create my inclusive school
(Future)
My school is not inclusive, it is discriminatory. That’s why when I am a teacher, I will create an inclusive school where all children can be and learn equally.
Creating her own inclusive school, Indira has a very clear idea of the path we should follow, the steps we as a society should take so that all children can learn in their schools, can be seen, heard, and respected. She is clear about where she needs to go to contribute, to be part of those who build. Indira, from her experiences, from who she is right now, rethinks the school and conveys to us everything it should be.
The school has to be inclusive and my school is not. It is totally discriminatory because what it tries to do is segregate. They try to segregate instead of include. What should be done is to include, but it is the opposite, they discriminate. That’s why when I am a teacher, I will create my own inclusive school.
The first thing I would be clear about is that we must teach all children, to be all equal. Equal in opportunities and conditions, that is what education is for. All boys and girls will be educated as one more in my school, with all the resources and tools they need.
The next thing would be to have one of these leaders, an inclusive principal, because if not… Another important thing is that they themselves, the teachers, are the first ones who have to change in order to then be able to change other things. Moreover, I am considering setting up another school for teachers to teach them how they should treat people with rights. I would tell them that we are people with rights and we are not as you think we are.
There would also be no special education classrooms, even if they try. I am very clear that I do not want that. No, I refuse, and I am very stubborn, so even if someone insisted, there would be no special education classroom in my school. I am clear that I would not separate any boy or girl to teach them.
In my school, instead of learning sitting down, I’m going to get them active. To learn by walking. Learning, walking. Learning things, math, technology, jobs, and with videos like Mom or Antonio do. I would also teach them what resources are, what life is about, and above all, rights, so that all boys and girls know what their rights are, the right to education, to housing, to healthcare, to get married… So that they can also increase their confidence and embark on their own path or their own journey and achieve their perspectives.
When I’m a teacher, the teachers at my school will have to learn to listen, to listen to the child, what they have experienced and what their story is, with great interest. And then we will find a way to educate them, and if necessary, we will ask for the resources they haven’t had. We must make it clear to them that they can be whatever they want to be, politicians or whatever they want.
All of this has to be this way for it to work and for the boys and girls who come to my school to be included. What’s more, when I start the school, I’m going to enroll my sister there. It’s also important that everyone feels comfortable at school.
Finally, I would take power away from teachers, because power creates obstacles and teachers have the most power. For example, right now, if we build a tall tower, at the very bottom are those who suffer, above them are those who don’t and are taking it step by step, and at the very top are only the teachers who are the ones with the power. So what I would do is take that power away from them, savor it, and eliminate it.
Because I’ve already said it, but school has to be inclusive and mine will be.
Feelings: The emotions that move me
Do you know what would be best for me? The most beautiful thing they could tell me in life? For me, the most beautiful thing would be for them to apologize for what they have done to us.
Indira recalls and tells her story through what she feels. Throughout the narrative, we can see how few concrete memories she has; she is guided by the sensations that stages, places, and people evoked in her. It is these things that make her feel that connect her to memories and reflections. It is through these emotions that she constructs her discourse, her positioning, her dreams, and her aspirations. Here, in these lines, Indira speaks to us directly about what makes her vibrate, and although the entire narrative is charged with her emotions, it is in this final section that she directly captures, through them, what she has lived through.
Do you know what would be best for me? The most beautiful thing they could tell me in life? For me, the most beautiful thing would be for them to apologize for what they have done to us. That would also be fair. That is truly fair, to say sorry to people who have not been treated well. To ask for their forgiveness, whether we accept the apologies or not is another matter. In this case, would I accept them? No. In this case, I would not accept the apologies, because, of course, given what I went through… Although my mother tells me that apologies should always be accepted, it’s true that’s the way it is, but I think it also depends.
It depends on the excuses and it depends on what they have done to you, if what they have done to you is heavier, even heavier, if the injustice is heavier… Something that is prevented from us doing because we are women. On top of that, I think they only see the disability, because otherwise they would think about doing it better. I think they only think about the disability, they only see that. I think they keep thinking the opposite, because if they didn’t, they would do better, the best for us. That’s for sure, they would think better about the attitudes they have had and they would surely say sorry for what they have done to us. I think if they thought about this, they would apologize.
I am not angry or sad, but if I had to choose one, I would prefer to be angry than sad, because anger helps me to fight sometimes and sadness is more difficult. For example, when the cat or the dog died… I felt sad then, it’s for those things that one should be sad.
I feel tired with online connections with teachers, for example, I am very tired with that.
I feel bored when one person is playing but the other is just watching… That has happened to me sometimes where I was before, there, well, where I always am, in a place that starts with S and ends with A, well, where else but at Santa María… There because I would approach, but I was really sad, bored, because they weren’t with me.
I feel angry when they hurt you, when they hurt… When there’s something that’s easy for you to understand, but not for others… These are things they should understand, but they don’t. That makes me very, very angry.
I also feel excited, I feel excited when I’m with my mom, for example, when I do the interviews for university, that excites me because I want more.
Then there are the things that bring you joy… I feel joy when we are happy about something wonderful that has happened in our lives, like when I am with my mom, when I was born in her heart. She has always been in my heart. Well, and much better than joy is relief; I feel relief when they tell me they are sorry, that’s when I feel relief.
Anger, joy, sadness, boredom, loneliness, relief – they have all been present throughout the story. In each of Indira’s experiences, we find a cocktail of emotions and reflections. Indira embodies the ability to transform anger over suffering into an impulse to keep resisting. Indira embodies the ability to expose the sadness over the pain caused by school in order to make those who read it feel and think, to make visible what is happening within the walls of a school. Indira embodies the ability to lean on those who do see her, look at her, and listen to her. Indira is much more than what can be read in this story, but this story is her here and now.
Temporary table of the story
| Indira’s Life Story | Chronological order |
|---|---|
| Indira | Indira |
| I don’t go to school. I learn with my mom. (Present) | Looking into the distance. Leaving my classroom to go to the classroom. (Past) |
| Cut and paste, my learning in Primary. (Past) | Theater, another act of exclusion. (Past) |
| Going to exams, my only participation in the center. (Present) | Cut and paste, my learning in primary school. (Past) |
| To be a politician, to have power? (Future) | The playgrounds, another forced solitude. (Past) |
| Looking into the infinite. Leaving my classroom to go to the other classroom. (Past) | The transition to secondary school, a step towards what? (Past) |
| Being an activist, a way to change our reality. (Past, present and future) | Those who look, those who see. (Past and present) |
| The playgrounds, another forced loneliness. (Past) | Being an activist, a way to change our reality. (Past, present and future) |
| Being a mother, a legacy of opportunities. (Present and future) | I don’t go to school. I learn with my mom. (Present) |
| Theater, another act of exclusion. (Past) | Going to exams, my only participation in the school. (Present) |
| The transition to Secondary School, a step towards what? (Past) | Being a mother, a legacy of opportunities. (Present and future) |
| Returning to school? (Present) | Return to school? (Present) |
| Those who look, those who see. (Past and present) | To be political, to have power? (Future) |
| My fight, your fight, our fight. (Present, past, and future) | My fight, your fight, our fight. (Present, past, and future) |
| To be a teacher, to create my inclusive school. (future) | Being a teacher, creating my inclusive school. (future) |
| Feeling: The emotions that move me. | Feeling: The emotions that move me. |
About the author
I am Eva Escartín Pueyo, a student in the Master’s program in Social Change and Educational Professions at the University of Málaga, which has allowed me, among other learnings, to begin my journey in educational research.
At this same university, I completed my degree in Social Education, through which I was able to experience my first contact with the socio-educational reality, mainly in the field of gender equality through various women’s associations in the city of Malaga.
Currently, and for the past four years, I have been working as a Senior Technician in Social Integration at a public educational center in Andalusia as a personal support resource for students designated as having Specific Educational Support Needs (SEN). It is from this position that I begin to rethink education, to question my daily educational practice, as well as everything that happens inside, and often outside, the four walls of an educational center.
My life experiences, along with the training I have received and the realities I have encountered in my work, have led me to be interested in research with and for people, which in turn serves to transform the experiences of exclusion lived in school. In short, research that contributes to what many girls, women, and families have already achieved in relation to the fight for inclusive education.